We’ve had a good run of sightseeing activities and tours, so we were bound to come unstuck at some point. That point came with a trip up-country with Northland Tours, ostensibly to Chiang Rai and the Golden Triangle. Unfortunately for us, this long road trip was essentially a thinly-veiled driving tour of shopping opportunities.
After a pick-up at 07:45, we drove north in the company of three Germans, two Brits and an American (no Aussies, which is a bit unusual 
) for around three and a half hours, with a brief bathroom / snack stop en route. Then, off the main road on a short but bumpy dirt track, we came to an authentic hill tribe village, apparently only consisting of virtually identical handicraft stalls. It was obviously authentic, as at least a dozen other tour vans were also parked there. To be fair, the little we learned about the different tribes was indeed interesting, and the various ladies with brass-elongated necks, extended earlobes and betel-blackened teeth were happy to be photographed, but all had wares on sale that we half-heartedly bargained over to get some souvenirs.
After that, things went a little downhill. Our next stop was to the local hot springs, which turned out to be a metal pipe jutting out of the ground, spouting a jet of hot, sulphurous water, and leading over to a heat exchanger plant. The highlight of the stop was the opportunity to buy a small wicker basket of eggs and wait five minutes for them to cook in this outflow. We passed, as did most of the others. Only one German decided that ‘eggy’ eggs would be worth a try.
We stopped in what may have been Chiang Rai – we were never told – for a lunch buffet conveniently located right next to a gem store. The buffet was actually very good, as long as you liked pork, as it was in all but one of the hot dishes on offer, though to be fair, there was one vegetarian option available. As the minibus pulled away, we noticed that the building sported a sign reading “Buffet lunch for tour groups, 49 Baht” – bargain!
Next stop: a Thai / Myanmar border crossing, situated on a narrow, muddy trickle of a river, where we could pay US$10 to walk across the bridge, get a passport stamp and walk back. As none of the group were interested in doing so, we were given half an hour to wander the souvenir stalls and dodge small urchins begging. We found an open stretch of pavement outside a goldsmith, so sat down to wait out the time, and were soon joined by our Brit travelling companions. As far as we could make out, Thailand’s northernmost town of Mae Sai is utterly devoid of charm, and is best avoided, unless you’re an avid country-collector.
Back in the bus again, we drove along to the Golden Triangle at Sop Ruak, where Thailand, Mynmar and Laos meet. More souvenir stands, of course, and dozens of pairs of grubby Akha girls, in tribal outfits, who latched on to anyone with a camera and chorused “Hello, take photo, two people, 5 baht.” while trying to look winsome. We didn’t get much chance to take photos, as our guide herded us to a longtail boat dock where we were to take a fast ride on the Mekong River and over to part of Laos, where tourists with open wallets are welcomed with open arms, without passport or customs controls. This sounded dodgy to us, but as the guide was one of the first onto the boats, we had little choice but to follow him, for another 400 baht each, return, that no-one had previously mentioned. On arrival, our guide expertly directed us to the Laotion official who needed 20 baht from each person as a landing fee. We were, apparently, on a mid-river island comprising a few shacks and a lot of – surprise – souvenir stands. Not wanting to buy knock-off Marlborough cigarettes, or bottles of cobras and scorpions pickled in local whisky, we mooched around a bit and hovered grumpily by the dock for our return ride.
Back in Thailand, we snatched a few moments to photograph a beautiful, modern Buddhist shrine (we’re not sure what it’s called, as our guide had disappeared) and watching other tour groups getting mobbed by Akha girls once they chummed the waters with a five-baht donation, before being summoned to the minibus for a drive to the mostly-ruined Wat Jadeeloung temple and souvenir complex, followed by a four hour night drive back to Chiang Mai broken by a fuel stop at a garage with attached food and souvenir market, returning to our hotel at around 9:30 pm.
There, I feel better having got that off my chest. We’re giving this excursion the thumbs-down because the tour was bloody awful, and not worth the 3000 baht we payed (the sums we paid are pretty trivial, it was the fact of getting fleeced that was irksome). On the other hand, the scenery in the far north is spectacular, and there is much of interest to visit. If you fancy seeing the area, our recommendation is to negotiate a price (probably 1000 to 1500 baht) with a licensed Chiang Mai taxi driver for a day’s travel, and let him/her and the Lonely Planet book navigate you around to places of interest.
